this was supposed to be the easy part
but breaking down is what I found hard
now I’m wearing this smile that I don’t believe in
inside I feel like screaming
Tina: I have a friend in England and her daughter calls it Frontbottom.
Alice: I had a girlfriend once and she called it her Pretty Pink Pearl, PPP.
Carmen: Hmm, not to be confused with her PeePee.
Bette: You know what’s really lovely? Yoni. It’s Sanskrit.
Alice: No, no, I like, like, a non-Sanskrit trashy thing, like Tongue-trap.
Carmen: Yeah, or a, bald man in a boat.
Shane: Breakfast of Champions.
Shane: Fuckhole. What else?
(Kit sits down.)
Carmen: Hey Kit. What’s wrong?
Kit: I just found out I’ve got menopause.
Bette: It’s okay, no more periods!
Alice: Yeah, you don’t have to take Carrie to the prom anymore!
Bette: No more mood-swings, eventually.
Tina: No more tampons or pads.
Carmen: No more midol, or excedrin, or tylenol, or any of that stuff!
Kit: But once the monkey goes south, that’s the end of it!
Bette: No Kit that’s not true. There are a lot of menopausal women who are very sexually active!
Shane: Yeah it’s true, you can still get it on!
Carmen: You are still gonna be doing the hanky panky til the cows come home!
Alice: Yeah, get yourself a little hot beef injection tonight and feel better.
Bette: You could dip the chip.
Tina: Bang the box.
Carmen: Sweep the chimney.
Shane: Ah, you could stretch that leather.
Tina: Fuck the uglies.
Bette: Shake the sheets.
Alice: Oh, crack a nut.
Bette: Get some skank on the hang-low.
Alice: Ride the baloney pony.
Kit: Give that dog a bone.
All: There ya go! Yeah!
Bette: Shut the oyster, baby.
Carmen: Um, um, put some beef in yo taco.
Shane: Ride that beef bus to tuna town.
Carmen: That was so sexy, I’m so glad you said that.
Kit: I got one. The lips between the hips.
Shane: Furry monkey.
Carmen: Smurf crease.
Tina: Bearded oyster.
Alice: Bikini biscuit.
Shane: And uh, Cherry pie.
Alice: Cat flaps.
Shane: What about Cha cha?
Carmen: Hairy goblet.
Alice: Clown’s pocket?
Bette: The grand canyon.
Kit: Here’s another one, fish taco.
Shane: Oh I got a good one, cream collector.
Carmen: Goodie bag.
Kit: How bout this one? Box of assorted creams.
Carmen: Love mitten.
Shane: Mermaids purse.
Alice: Skeeky. Skeezy.
Shane: Oh I got one, the pink velvet sausage wallet. That’s attractive.
Alice: Ham wallet.
Shane: Power slot.
Kit: Ok, I got another one. Foo-foo valve.
Carmen: Pork shutters.
Kit: Bermuda triangle.
Carmen: Vertical smile.
Shane: The vessel tube.
Carmen: Monkey’s chin.
Shane: What about panty hamster?
Tina: Roast beef sandwich.
Kit: Camel toe! Oh, that’s so generic
Phyllis: Where are you going?
Molly: To go gay for Shane. We’re going to adopt Chinese babies and live in a trailer park.
Call Me Maybe came out 2 years ago
2 years ago
has anyone called her yet?